Ever since I could remember, I had dreamed of a safe, loving relationship.
My parents split when I was 11, and at the time, I didn’t fully grasp the dramatic impact this division in my family would have on how I viewed relationships and myself. This early experience laid the groundwork for the challenges I would face but also for the resilience I would later develop. I was brought home by the police at 3am for the first time at 13 years old, and listened to my mother cry in the lounge as I desperately tried to go to sleep. My dad would cry in the car sometimes as he drove me to golf practice, putting my sister and I first while battling through the negative emotions of feeling unwanted and alone.
As I got older, my anti-social behaviour escalated. I was arrested for shoplifting, wilful damage, and trespassing. By 18, I had run from police in vehicles and on foot, being chased by the dog unit and had already been either cheated on or left in two failed relationships. I began to feel that I was on my own, that it didn’t matter what I did, I would eventually be left, cheated on, or lied to, so I had to just take what I could get while I could.
At 20, I started at university studying psychology, biology and health but, after another dysfunctional relationship and a horrific, drawn-out breakup, I dropped out and joined the NZ Army, hoping to escape the negative feelings and low self-worth that followed me. This decision, while seeming like a departure from my troubles, was part of a larger journey of self-discovery. The next ten years became a blur of dysfunctional relationships, drug manufacture and use, amplifying the depth of my struggles but also setting the stage for a significant transformation.
I left a partner who loved me unconditionally and gave me my first child for a significantly toxic relationship full of violence, infidelity, insecurity and fear. I brought those issues into another seven-year relationship and again the relationship was full of emotional abuse, gaslighting, and countless breaches of trust. I was involved with the wrong crowd and operated a large-scale drug manufacturing operation, living an unsustainable lifestyle full of fast cars, drugs, and women. I was raided multiple times, often by armed police, at one point cordoning off a suburban block.
Although I was often surrounded by “friends”, I was very much alone. When I shared with people what I was going through emotionally, it was used against me; it was talked about behind my back. I learned to keep my feelings to myself, as I didn’t want to give anyone a reason to bring me down. I was the victim of hate and jealousy-motivated attacks, with the people closest to me often fueling them. While full of challenges, this period of my life was also a time of profound self-reflection and learning. I began to feel angry, empty, unfulfilled, and broken. I was highly codependent and couldn’t let go of one relationship without securing another, making sure I always had options.
You’d think a year in prison would have been my turning point, and I had convinced myself it was, but once I was released, I was still deeply repeating self-serving cycles of behaviour. I learned to paraglide and found peace in the sport. It was a time of struggle, facing my fears but also a gradual awakening. I spent the next five years pushing forward positively while sabotaging myself at each turn. It wasn’t until my seven-year relationship completely broke down and I was simultaneously raided, assets and money restrained while police investigated money laundering and further drug charges, that I started to take notice of what was happening around me.
From this point, I changed everything. I distanced myself from my old lifestyle and returned to study, earning accreditation and psychology and life coaching diplomas. These studies were both academic and deeply personal, offering me insights into my behaviour and tools for change. I’ve engaged in work with counsellors, psychologists, and social workers. I undertook a drug and alcohol rehabilitation course and studied extensively in the areas of relationships, self-discovery, health, and wellbeing.
I started a podcast, The Social Wildlife, to tell my story in the hope that I would inspire others to speak out if they needed help with the complex obstacles we all face but don’t always talk about. This podcast became a platform for both my voice and the voices of others, creating a community of shared experiences and support. I realised that with what I had faced, I had the skills to provide this help and the life experience to back it up. I had overcome many obstacles and knew my purpose was to help others do the same – I had never felt more myself.
Making the change was hard, and I knew as soon as I did that it would never have happened until I was ready.
I was inundated with messages from people who had listened to my podcast and could relate. I reached out to people on social media and offered my services to help them problem solve the issues they were facing. Before I knew it, people were coming to me, recommended by others who had had their lives transformed by working with me, sometimes for very short periods.
I structured my services and created specific packages to fast-track progress for anyone facing the unique pain or discomfort associated with relationships and our sense of self. These packages were tailored to each individual’s unique journey and challenges. As successful as these were, I also realised there was significant demand for custom solutions, as no two situations are the same, and we are all unique. The feedback I received was overwhelmingly positive, a testament to the effectiveness of my approach.
Now, I’m making space for a select group of clients and focusing on working one-to-one to understand each problem deeply, creating custom solutions to overcome them and live the life you dream of. My passion is helping people identify the obstacles preventing them from progressing in their dating or relationships and establishing their actual needs, connecting them with their authentic selves. This one-on-one approach allows for a more intimate and impactful coaching experience. I offer a unique combination of coaching and advice, with inspiration and techniques drawn from Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Narrative Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
"I draw the line between counselling/therapy and coaching."
I’m not a counsellor or therapist. I’m not here to dive deep into trauma, I’m here to help you overcome the negative emotions you feel today and give you the tools you need to succeed in the future. Together, we will rewrite the negative aspects of the story you tell yourself about your life, where it’s going and what you're capable of. We will set measurable goals and achieve them in a structured process with an easy-to-follow approach.
This journey is about overcoming current challenges and building a foundation for future growth and success. We will identify the negative, unhelpful, limiting, and often irrational beliefs preventing you moving forward, achieving your goals and being the best version of yourself that you can be.
